Not everyone makes it to CEO.  In business the role is scarce and only a few achieve it. In your own life, however, the position is there for the taking.  It sounds simple, but like so many seemingly simple things, it is not quite that easy.

If you have not been divorced yourself, you will almost certainly know someone who has and will be aware that it is one of the most destabilising experiences an adult can go through.

Whether or not the individuals we work with have made the decision to divorce, they all share a sense of loss. Not necessarily for the partner they are divorcing, but rather for themselves, their life as part of a unit, the shared rituals, history, friends and family. Starting afresh is disorientating.  After all, the familiar offers a certain safety, however miserable it may make you.

It takes two to get married and two to get divorced.

Divorce is a process, which will (eventually) end. In the best case scenario, a divorce takes at least six months in England and Wales, even if entirely amicable. In high-net-worth (HNW) cases, that timeframe quickly extends.

The shortest divorce period I have witnessed for a high-net-worth client was just over 3 months (this was some years ago, it now takes a minimum of 6 months in England and Wales) – in that incidence both parties were committed to reaching a resolution and there was no child custody or fighting over Fido. More typically, one party will be keener to expedite a divorce, this, coupled the complex chattels that come with a HNW divorce (multiple properties, investments and cross-border assets), you are looking at 12 months plus.

In the initial stages of divorce, many people are in a heightened state of flight or fight. Life has been turned upside down. They are coming to terms with, essentially, the death of their marriage and an assumed future. It takes time to process that and reach the point of being ready to actively proceed with a divorce.

In my experience, the first tangible sign of forward movement is the appointment of a lawyer. There is an element of pace, practicality, and ‘let's get the legal aspect concluded as quickly as we can now’.  The near-term objective is clear and the steps to achieve it are well-trodden. At this stage Cavendish’s role is to assemble and coordinate the right team, ensuring decisions taken now support the life that follows.

Sophie Chapman, a Partner at Stewarts, observes that this stage is as much about clarity and confidence as it is about legal process:

“Appointing a lawyer is the first step to empowering yourself in the divorce process and dispelling some of the common, yet paralysing, myths that surround it. Choosing the right person is important – as your lawyer will be tasked with guiding you through this daunting process, understanding your concerns and realising your objectives (in so far as these can be achieved within the framework of the law).  By the end of the legal process, clients will be ready to embark on their next chapter, armed with the tools, team and financial resources to move forward into their future.”  

In the relief of reaching a settlement, one element that is frequently underestimated is the tax dimension. Headline figures can look reassuring, however the net reality can be rather different. Gillian Everall, Managing Director at Everfair Tax, has seen first-hand how easily future plans can be distorted when liabilities are not fully understood:

“A divorce settlement is not just about dividing assets; it is about understanding what those assets will support in the years ahead. Tax and embedded liabilities can significantly affect what is actually available to fund your future. When they are properly understood and planned for, you can mitigate future tax liabilities and move forward with clarity, helping to secure the strongest possible foundation for your post-divorce lifestyle.”

Until the divorce is in the past, it is, understandably, very difficult to think much beyond it. If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be do not optimise for winning the past, optimise for building the future. The people who get through this process best are the ones who accept that the emotional story needs its own outlet with coaches and therapists, and that the practical work we carry out together is about designing the next chapter rather than litigating the last one.

There is a lot of anger and fear: Why did I let myself go through this? What did I do wrong? Will I be financially secure? What will people think of me? A former member of the British Army once shared with me that fear is founded in not knowing what to do next.

The legal ending is only the beginning

Following the legal transition, a mental transition also has to occur. As the second most stressful life event someone can experience, it is no surprise that divorce often mirrors the seven stages of grief. The journey is rarely linear, and not everyone moves through each stage, though most people will go through one or more of the following, typically starting with shock and denial, then moving on to anger, bargaining, depression and loneliness, guilt and shame. In time, most people progress to a phase of testing and rebuilding before reaching a place of acceptance and hope.

I think of this as the shift from “reactive survival mode” to “deliberate ownership”. In other words, moving from being emotionally driven and overwhelmed, to being able to make structured, forward-looking decisions.

The real change can only happen once the divorce is in the past. It is at this point that I get a glimpse of what a client’s future might look like. The transition that follows is compelling. It does not happen overnight, but once it begins, it gathers momentum.

“When it comes to becoming the CEO of the rest of your life, the only limiting factor is yourself.”

I use the metaphor of becoming the ‘CEO of the rest of your life’ deliberately. Not only does it reinforce that the individual is actively designing their future, rather than allowing life to simply happen, it also acts as a framework – a CEO sets direction and allocates resources.

In business, the CEO defines the vision, and the Chief Operating Officer ensures it is delivered. In personal terms, the same principle applies. The individual sets the direction, and Cavendish ensures that assets, advisers and implementation are aligned behind that direction.

Let us consider what someone in the traditional role of CEO does:

-       Defines vision

-       Allocates capital

-       Chooses the board

-       Sets culture

-       Monitors performance

-       Plans succession

Each of these has a direct parallel in personal life planning following a divorce.  

Vision comes first during what we term ‘Discovery’. Here, where desired, we may introduce a mindset coach strategically to assist you in uncovering and articulating what matters most – this is particularly valuable during such a period of transition, when priorities and identity may be shifting. Claire Macklin, a breakup and divorce coach shared that:

“Clarity rarely comes from replaying the past.  Instead, clarity comes when the focus shifts from explanation to intention.  When you stop asking "Why did this happen to me?", and start asking "What really matters to me?" and "Who do I want to be now?", everything changes.  Instead of reacting to events, you start making conscious choices grounded in your own values.  From there, you are not simply recovering from divorce; you are deliberately shaping what comes next.”

Only once that clarity exists can capital be deployed coherently. Assets are then structured not simply for return, but to support the life you intend to lead — income, security, growth, legacy, freedom.

“Liquidity creates options. Leadership creates direction. And the right team makes it a reality.”

Hugh Mitchell, a Senior Portfolio Manager at Nevastar Finance, highlights the consequences of moving too quickly to deployment before direction has been properly defined:

“After a divorce, there is often liquidity for the first time in years. The risk is not poor markets; it is unfocused allocation. The investment strategy should support a life strategy, based on financial needs, the investment time horizon and risk tolerance.”

Cavendish sits at the centre of the process, coordinating legal, tax and investment advice and translating aspirations into a strategy. Through our 4-stage bespoke approach, we ensure individual decisions support your wider plan. As CEO, you set the long-term direction and are responsible for all critical decisions. Our role is akin to COO, the disciplined engine that translates your vision into execution, providing the network, knowledge, and oversight to move you from where you are to where you intend to be.

The result is a system that integrates your personal, familial, and financial aspirations and objectives under one roof.

If you are at the beginning of a similar journey, the most consequential shift you can make is to turn your attention from what has been to what might yet be built. That does not mean ignoring the past or diminishing it; it means deciding that it will not hold you back from the future you deserve to live.

When you find yourself asking ‘what's next?’, something material has already shifted, and it is a clear sign that you have just stepped into the role of CEO of the rest of your life.

Divorce may close one chapter, but it also creates the opportunity to shape the next with intention. The legal process will conclude; what follows is about defining your aspirations, setting meaningful goals, and aligning your resources behind the life you now want to build. Becoming the CEO of the rest of your life is not about control for its own sake — it is about clarity, ownership and the confidence to move forward on your own terms.

If you are beginning to ask yourself “what’s next?”, that shift has already started. When you are ready to turn that question into a plan, we would be glad to support you in building your next chapter with confidence.

Mark Estcourt,

CEO at Cavendish Family Office

Related insights from Cavendish and our network:

-       Why does it take at least 6 months to get divorced in England and Wales? – Discover what causes delays and strategies that can help move through the process more efficiently.

-       Narcissistic, coercive and controlling? The cost of coercion in divorce - Divorce is never easy — but for survivors of coercive control, the process can feel especially unfair.

-       Why Michelle turned her back on the world’s leading private wealth firms – and what it says about the industry - A rare chance to hear from someone who, following her divorce, was courted by the world’s top advisors and left unimpressed.

-       Can separating couples share a lawyer? - The evolving legal framework is embracing more sophisticated, collaborative approaches.

-       The law and love lost: Supporting vulnerable clients when relationships breakdown - The end of a relationship is never easy. For some, the challenges are intensified by mental illness, personal circumstances, or having been in an abusive relationship.

-       Parlez-vous divorce? - From champagne to c’est compliqué, navigating an Anglo-French divorce is far from straightforward.

-       Fighting over Fido: The bone of contention in divorce - From rugs to retrievers — what counts as a 'chattel' in divorce is being redefined.

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